A man went to the psychiatrist because he had a fear of thunder. Doc, I dont know what to do, said the man.
The doctor replied, Thats ridiculous. Thunder is a natural phenomenon nothing to be afraid of. Whenever you hear thunder, do like I do: Put your head under the pillow and it will go away.
A worried patient went to his psychiatrist.
"I'm in love with my horse," he said.
"But that's nothing," replied the shrink. "A lot of people love animals.
For instance, my wife and I have a dog that we love very much."
"Ah, but doctor," the patient replied. "It's a sexual attraction that I
feel toward my horse."
"Ahhh!" exclaimed the doc. "What kind of a horse is it? Male or female?"
"Female, of course," said the bloke. "What do you think I am, a faggot!"
"I'm in love with my horse," the nervous man told his psychiatrist.
"Nothing to worry about," the psychiatrist consoled. "Many people
are fond of animals.
As a matter of fact, my wife and I have a dog that we are very
"But, doctor," continued the troubled patient, "I feel, ummm...
*physically* attracted to my horse."
"Hmmm," the doctor asked, "Is it male or female?"
"Female, of course!" the man replied.
"What do you think I am...GAY???"
The mother of a problem child was advised by a psychiatrist, "You are far too upset and worried about your son. I suggest you take tranquilizers regularly".
On her next visit the psychiatrist asked, "Have the tranquilizers calmed you down?"
"Yes", the boy's mother answered.
"And how is your son now?" the psychiatrist asked.
"Who cares?" the mother replied.
A guy tells his psychiatrist, I always have this weird dream at night. I am locked in a room with a door on which there is a sign. I try to push it with all my strength, but no matter how hard I try, it wont budge." The psychiatrist muses, Interesting." But tell me what does the sign on the door say? The guy replies, It says 'Pull'!!!
A psychiatrist was trying to comfort a new patient who was terribly upset. You see, Doc, the patient explained, my problem is that I like shoes much better than I like boots. Why, thats no problem, answered the doctor. Most people like shoes better than boots.
The patient was thrilled, Thats neat, Doc. How do you like them, fried or scrambled?
The man lay on the couch telling his psychiatrist a sad tale. I see my brother, Doctor, he said. He is walking down a long corridor, walking up fifteen steps in the green door. There are lots of people standing around. Theyre bandaging his eyes ooh Doctor, Doctor what does it mean? Well, said the psychiatrist, if they aint playing blind mans bluff hes in real trouble.
A general noticed one of his privates was behaving oddly. He'd pick up a piece of paper and say, "No, no, that's not it!" After some weeks he was seen by the psychiatrist. The psychiatrist concluded the private was deranged and wrote his discharge from the army. The private picked it up and said, "Yes, that's it!"