Whilst playing golf the other day I hit the ball and it smacked my retard son on the forehead, taking him down instantly.
At this point my wife ran in, yelling at me. "What the hell, Yuri? I know you hate him, but can't you be more careful with that thing?"
I shouted back, "Hey, I have no control over the golf ball. It's the way this sport is, woman!"
Annoyed, she grabbed me by the arm and dragged me out of his bedroom.
"Hello 999 emergency, which service do you require?"
"Well, the wife was doing a barbecue and has set fire to the fence.."
"Ok sir so the fire bri...."
"....But she's also undercooked the food causing me to vomit uncontrollably.."
"Right sir, fire brigade and an amb..."
"Actually, just send them all"
"Why's that sir?"
"I've just stabbed the clumsy retard".